TGIS: Thank God Its Spring

Learning and growth are an essential part of the human experience. Without the desire to learn new things and expanding your existence beyond the here and now, what is there? Stagnance, that’s what.

I have spent the better part of the last two months unmotivated, tired, emotionally drained, and desperate for what’s next. Eventually, winter came to an end in Detroit. For the most part, we are done with the snow and freezing temperatures. This alone is helping to thaw out my frozen soul. Seasonal affective disorder is real, my friends. All the crystals, oils, gluten-free pizza, and cups of coffee couldn’t pull me out of the slump I was in. Snuggles with Bruno and Winnie did help, most days.

Ever feel like you’re standing at the end of the road of your current existence? Like a chapter in your story has ended, but the next one hasn’t been written yet? You know it’s coming, you’re unsure of what it will say, but you’re jonesing to get reading. I’m there with you, waiting. I’m anxious to learn new things, to grow beyond my current boundaries, and to build the next chapter of my life.

Early in February Justin had his second annual PET scan since his bone marrow transplant. While we went into it expecting nothing but positive news, it was an emotionally charged couple of weeks as we honored his transplant birthday, spent a day at the hospital bouncing from appointment to appointment, and received the news that he continues to be cancer free. Since his diagnosis in 2011 this is the longest “remission” he’s had – never before had he made it two years without signs of lymphoma. It’s like the universe opened up the door to the rest of our lives, but I’ve forgotten how to walk through it. I don’t remember the last time I felt comfortable planning for the future, thought about taking risks, or focused on living without being in survival mode.

As if on queue, my anxiety started to creep in – this time it was bringing along it’s friends: comparison and doubt. In case you were wondering, constant comparison, self-doubt, anxiety, and winter are full of bad vibes. Then Mercury decided to go all retrograde on us, causing all kinds of weirdness in the world. It seems as though one thing after another have been aimed at throwing me off my tracks. I suppose, I should be looking for the message in the asinine nature of the last few weeks, but it was easier to bitch and moan.

All of this to say, friends: it’s been a long couple of months.

As things begin to thaw from a long winter and spring brings new life, I am hopeful that growth continues in my own life. I am looking forward to the new. Whatever that may be. The last chapter is already closed, but I’ll be here waiting to welcome the next one. Hopefully I won’t be waiting too long.

Happy Spring to you – I hope you are welcoming your next chapter as well.

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Damn Moon Energy + January 74th

I haven’t done this in a while, writing just to write, that is.

Usually, I am a week ahead of time in my posts for the blog, but procrastination, and other priorities just kind of took over last week. Maybe it was the Full Wolf Blood Super Moon Eclipse thing that happened last weekend. While I consider myself a pseudo hippie, and maybe just a little bit witchy, this moon energy has been so interesting.

I went from the new year excitement and motivation to a slump of boredom and…just…real life. Week two, back to reality seemed to dish out similar symptoms to everyone I work with. We all were just not quite as vibrant and motivated as we had been the week before. Snow was coming and the magic of new resolutions and holiday break conversations have melted away.

Then it snowed. A lot. Southeastern Michigan got about 6 inches of snow in about 18 hours, and it just felt so soothing, things got quiet, and the world turned white. My energy shifted to re-centering myself, continuing to clean and simplify at home, and focus on what I am cultivating for the year. I did yoga, meditated, watched a lot of Top Chef, cooked, wrote out birthday cards, wrote for the sake of writing (not sharing), journaled, spent time with my husband, played in the snow with the dogs, read a little, and did little things around the house that I’ve been putting off.

Then the damn moon energy started creeping in. This just got weird. I have no specific words to describe it – people were on edge, I was feeling restless, I laughed a lot, my jaw dropped a lot at random things that happened, I got angry, I was lazy, and the world just seemed off. The universe creeped in a few times, reminding me that times like this are a test of everything else I’m trying to build into my life. It’s easy to reflect, meditate, and take care of myself when I’m feeling motivated, but it’s a whole other thing to do it when I’m not feeling motivated. Lesson learned, universe, lesson learned.

While it feels like it’s January 74th, this month brought a rollercoaster of emotions and insight for me. It was the start of something new, not just a new year, but a new energy for myself, a new space that I’m carving out for myself. Letting go of what was dragging me along, and gripping onto the things that will lift me up. It’s been a strange transitional month, but I’m grateful for it, and I’m grateful that it will be coming to an end soon.

We’re coming for you, February.